Yesterday Vinny and I celebrated our one year wedding anniversary. Congrats to us!
In honor of our special day, I wanted to write a post about the wedding. I started writing it but then I realized I didn’t really care. I’m over our wedding. It was beautiful and spectacular and our lovely guests made our night so special. But I’m not a wedding person, not even when it comes to showing mine off.
Instead I’ve decided to write about what I’ve learned after the wedding. You know, when you’re actually married to another person, by law, and you have to live together in peace because if you don’t, the nosy neighbors will call the police on you. Below are just five things I’ve learned. Let me know if you agree.
Weddings are fun but marriage is hard
This is not to say that marriage isn’t fun. It is. Most of the time. But all of the other times it’s hard. Why? Because you’re living with another person. A human being with likes, dislikes and feelings that may not always be aligned with your feelings. It takes a while to navigate those issues when you’re a newly wed just learning to live with another person. And that is hard.
Before you’re married, love is a feeling. After you’re married, love is an action
Saying I love you with words is so special. But saying I love you with surprise tickets to that Broadway show you’ve been hinting about is even more special. Okay, forget Broadway. Any gesture that shows you love your partner goes a lot further than just saying it. Going to the doctor with you, asking how you feel, cooking you a favorite meal, keeping the house clean, etc. Any action you commit that makes your partner happy is a sign of love and that’s the fuel that keeps the heart and loins operating smoothly.
Compliment your spouse as if they were a puppy learning a new trick
We all like to be complimented, don’t we? It’s not a sign of weakness to put your husband/wife on a pedestal, although I do know some people who feel this way. Compliment your spouse and provide positive reinforcement when they do something good. For instance, the more Vinny compliments my cooking, the harder I want to try to make it delicious. They will like the feeling and will continue doing it. The experts agree! So be proud of them and support them like they were your favorite football team. You know, cheer them on no matter what, even if it’s unlikely they’ll make it to the Super Bowl.
Use mild language when insulting your spouse
Truth is that Vinny and I have said some pretty awful things to each other. We’ve both been known to use creative language to demolish the other person, just to prove a point. But the louder we screamed and the worse we got to each other, the less we heard the others point. Sure it can be fun to abuse your spouse and feel like a victorious gladiator when you’ve sufficiently hurt their feelings but in the end, it’s really not worth it. It hurts and some wounds take longer to heal. Also, if you get too used to being vile, that will become the norm. So instead of saying “you disgusting piece of sh*t motherf*cker. I will destroy your life!” try saying “Babe, I know your legs are working just fine so why didn’t you take out the garbage last night? Can you please do it now? Thanks! I love you.” Do not add “Go to hell” as you leave the room. They will hear it.
It’s easy to get comfortable. Don’t do it.
That means go to the gym. Wear makeup. Get your hair did. Get your nails did. Look hot for your husband. Look hot for your wife. Treat her like she is the golden egg. Don’t break plans with her. Put her first, second and third. Put in as much effort as you can to keep life fresh. Forever is a long time and attention spans have significantly decreased over the years so be interesting and hot for your spouse if you want to keep their attention. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can let yourself go.
I love being married and I especially love being married to Vinny. He’s my best friend in good times and my frenemy in bad times but as long as he is my friend in marriage, we’ll be okay.
How about you? What have you learned from being married?