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An Open Letter To My Husband: Anniversary Edition


Dear husband, lover & best friend,

Happy Anniversary to us!

Can you believe it’s been three magical years since Zohra banged two rocks together and pronounced us husband and wife? I can’t. It feels like time zoomed past us like a car whose doors open up.

This year, I decided to go HAM with my PDA because…why not?

I love you so much. SO MUCH. That is why I am sometimes crazy and chase you around the apartment with a knife. My passion game is strong and directly related to my love for you. Bill Burr was right about that. 

My love and passion is so strong that if the zombie apocalypse were to come to New York City and we were being chased by flesh eating monsters and they were closing in on us, I’d push you towards them so they can bite you first. Then I would lay down and let you have your zombie way with me. This applies to werewolves and vampires as well although I prefer we both become vampires so we can literally be together forever. Fun, right?! Right! 🙂 

My love and passion is so strong that if we lived in a dystopian land and we were separated into quads based on talent, I would learn how not to use my fingers for basic additions like 8 + 5.  That is easy and why I am able to do it now. So we can be roomies in the math quad.

My love and passion is so strong that if you decided to give up on Brooklyn for the “greener” pastures of New Jersey, I would fight with you about it until I had no more energy to fight and I’d give up my “beautiful” Brooklyn and I’d move with you.

Because it’s no fun being here if you are over there.

My love and passion is so strong that I will learn how to dust for you so that you come home and there is not a dust particle in sight. Dusting is so easy, you say. But it’s not so recognize my love and passion also means an exorbitant amount of effort to training my eyes to become microscopes so that I can see the dust and properly remove it. Fuck off, hussy dust! You are toast. 

My love and passion is so strong that I will remove all toast crumbs from the couch before you sit down. It’s only fair.

There’s more but none of it is appropriate for public consumption but here’s a hint: PG-13 cuddle later?

I love you, amore! You inspire me and I’m proud to be your wife. Cheers to three years and many many more. Because they say marriage is till death do us part but I promise, I have no real intentions of killing you. I hope you feel the same.

Love, love, love you!


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