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Thank You, Spaceba, Gracias, Etc

Hey, you. I just wanted to say thank you so so so much for reading and sharing my MS story, “True Life: My Optic Nerve Ran Away.” You made me feel like an award winning pop star who won a prestigious award and I will forever love you because of this.

britney spears thanks you

I received so many positive emails/texts from people.  Close friends, acquaintances and FB friends alike. Folks with whom I haven’t spoken to since high school emailed me to offer their medical connections and any assistance they can provide. I always say that I like animals more than people but no animal has ever offered me their expert MS connection so I’m thinking I should rethink my opinions on humans. Ya’ll came through, yo and the love was overwhelming and caused a flutter in my heart.

Britney Spears is emotion

But then I got a hold of myself because there is more work to be done and more stories to share. Like the time a votive candle flame took a liking to my hair, the time I happily smoked my way into a relapse and the time a douchebag emergency room doctor denied me treatment because he thought I was “one of those” women. I’m going to destroy his Google results and it’s going to be fun. For me at least.

britneyspearsknow

So thanks again and please come back. Subscribing to updates via email will help you stay current and cool so please do click here to stay current and cool.

Peace out till next time!

True Life: My Optic Nerve Ran Away

Hey there, bitchachos. Today I bring you an exciting post about the gift that keeps on giving – my multiple sclerosis. I’m only recently talking more openly about it so I figured it’s important to educate you on what it is and how I came to be diagnosed. Grab your hankis and hold on.

What is MS?

Multiple Sclerosis is an autoimmune disease that attacks the central nervous system, which consists of the brain, optic nerves and spinal cord.

In Diana words, this means your immune system is a cunty Judas whore who betrays your trust and instead of keeping you healthy from virus and disease, it produces anti-bodies that attack the very delicate body it’s supposed to protect.

Sounds intense, right? Sometimes it is.

How do you know if you have MS?

There are many symptoms such as vision loss, abnormal sensations and difficulty walking. Those are just a handful and because everyones experience is unique, it’s best to tell with an MRI. You can see lesions on an MRI. They are white and look like brain craters. Some go away and others become plaques, known as “black holes.” Black holes signify myelin that has been lost and nervers damaged beyond repair. Like a runaway train, that myelin is never coming back.

Say what?!

What.

You got some Nerve, MS!

Yes, MS is all about nerves, but mostly destroying them as you can see. Or not see.

I don’t understand. I need more info!

Here is a passage from the National MS Society that better explains it.

As part of the immune attack on the central nervous system, myelin (the fatty substance that surrounds and protects the nerve fibers in the central nervous system) is damaged, as well as the nerve fibers themselves. The damaged myelin forms scar tissue (sclerosis), which gives the disease its name. When any part of the myelin sheath or nerve fiber is damaged or destroyed, nerve impulses traveling to and from the brain and spinal cord are distorted or interrupted, producing the variety of symptoms that can occur.

How do you get MS?

There are several ways you can contract MS. The most common way is by snorting dirty cocaine off public toilet seats. You’re calling to schedule that MRI, aren’t you? Well put down that phone silly because I was just joshin’. Science actually doesn’t know the cause although there are several factors such as environmental, immunological, genetic and infectious. Vitamin D deficiency is a big thing and I’ll be writing about that more in future posts.

Now that we’ve taken care of that, the following is a day-by-day account of how I came to be diagnosed with RRMS (relapsing-remitting Multiple Sclerosis). I wrote it right after it happened in January 2012, three weeks shy of my 28th birthday. Enjoy!

me as a vision of beauty_edited-1

Sunday

I start experiencing pain in my right eye. It hurts when I look left, right, up and down. I express my concern to Vinny who tries to be sympathetic but actually just thinks I’m complaining.

Monday

The pain persists and gets worse. I am moody and uncomfortable. More so than usual. But it’s just discomfort really. If I keep still, I’m good.

Tuesday

The pain persists to persist. I remain moody and uncomfortable. It’s hard to sit still. Vinny and I Google “people with eye pain” and skim over the material. Vinny dismisses me but I insist. We see other people have this eye problem, too. I ADD and don’t register comments about MRIs. “Are you seeing halos?” Vinny asks. “What’s a halo?” I ask. “Then you’re fine,” he says. I don’t feel fine.

Wednesday

I wake up partially blind in my right eye. Now I see halos. Still not totally sure what they look like but I’m certain I’m seeing them. It’s getting blurry in here. Help! I call my friend Marina at Grand Central Optical to schedule an appointment with my optometrist. I used to work there so she fits me in for the following day.

Thursday

Dr. Block is there and I trust he will heal me. He examines my eye but can offer no positive results. He thinks it might be optic neuritis. I tell him I will Google but no doctor ever wants you to Google. I suspect it’s because they think they will go out of business. He disagrees and tells me to relax. Relax?! He recommends I see an opthamologist and refers me to (partially) see a specialist at Omni Eye Services 0n East 36th & Madison Ave. I schedule an appointment for the following day.

Friday

Dr. Katherine Mastrota needs to probe my brain for answers and so she administers a series of tests. There is one test where you have to look into a machine and press a button everytime you see a dot. I keep seeing dots but then my thoughts wonder about whether or not I’m really seeing dots so I just press the button. When the test is over and the results are quick. The doctor doesn’t know how to print the results and I giggle. But this is no laughing matter because I’m told that I do have optic neuritis. It can either go away on it’s own or it can be a sign of more nerve damage I’m told. They mention MS and say that if it’s more than just my eye, I will need steroids. The doctor orders an MRI, STAT.

I am frantic and blind. Blind because they dilated my pupils and temporary vision loss is, of course, is a normal thing. But I’m resistant to the darkness and frantic as I try to send Vinny a text message about how blind and frantic I am. Technically I should also know better since I do have optical experience. If I would ever see a patient trying to send a text message while their pupils were dilated, I’d call them %*(#@_. Oh well, %*(#@_ I was.

Finally I can see again! To the front desk I go to schedule my MRI appointment, which has been classified as “urgent.” Even though it’s Friday and everyone is already thinking about their weekends, the front desk girls kind and quickly get me an appointment at Metropolitan Diagnostic Imagine Group that day at 2PM.

I arrive at 1:30. There is no wait. I’ve never been in an MRI machine but I’m in good spirits. I’m not scared. I feel normal. I cry a little. They say I have to sit still or it will take longer. I don’t know how to sit still but I try really hard. The tech talks to me through the intercom and says I’m doing great. It’s amazing how nice words can make a difference during times like these. I want to continue doing great. I don’t move at all. Because I’m an adult.

The results and analysis is done in a New York minute. 10 minutes to be exact because this is, after all, urgent.

MRI for MS, ms, signs of multiple sclerosis, ms multiple sclerosis, people living with multiple sclerosis, optic neuritis, multiple sclerosis, living with multiple sclerosis, how to live with multiple sclerosis, living with ms

Vinny comes to the city to be with me during this ordeal so he drives me back to the ophthalmologist. The office is closing but Dr. Mastrota has waited. She checks out the MRI results and tells me I most likely have MS and that I should go to the emergency room to get steroids. Mmmm steroids. Then she gives me a hug and tells me it will be okay. I ask if it’s absolutely necessary to go to the hospital. It’s highly recommended, she says. She gives me her phone number and we text until I make it to triage. Which takes a while because….

Vinny and I have a scheduled date night. It’s January and we’ve been hibernating from the cold and today we were finally going out. I’ve been craving the ceasar salad from Sea which is weird, yes, but my cravings have no boundries. Was I really going to let this MS derail my plans? Vinny tells me that it’s up to me.

We go to Sea. I’m crying because I can’t help but think the very very worst. Vinny is begging me to please stop crying because our waitress is unfairly judging him and thinking it’s all his fault. And fucking GOOGLE. Good for nothing Google with 41,800,000 results in 0.30 seconds of shitty news. The ceasar salad doesn’t taste like it’s supposed to. Neither does the chicken satay. I’m disappointed so I give up on our date night and Vinny tailgates his way to the hospital, where I’ll end up spending five days hooked up to an IV that feeds me delicious drugs medicine that will restore my vision.

signs of multiple sclerosis, ms multiple sclerosis, people living with multiple sclerosis, optic neuritis, multiple sclerosis, living with multiple sclerosis, how to live with multiple sclerosis, living with ms

I spend my time at the hospital feeling like a one-eyed pirate without the patch and refer to myself as Cyclops. I encourage others to do the same but it doesn’t catch on. I share a room with a pleasant woman who snores loudly and unapologetically but am denied when I request Xanax to calm down when it starts to drive me crazy.  The physical therapist assigned to my case is a guy I was friends with in my teens and I’m once again reminded how obnoxiosuly small Brooklyn is. But at least I looked stunning, right? My friends come to visit with gifts and smiles. Marina brings grapes, Zohra brings a Saved by the Bell fridge magnet and my best friend Val travels from Philadelphia and spends three days hanging out with me. And Vinny? He proves to be an amazing fiancé and friend  and makes me feel loved, safe and like everything is going to be okay.

It wasn’t so bad but I was eager to get home to my bed and dog, Ninja. Even though I wasn’t able to take any of the stylish accessories home with me, it was as good as it gets when you’re at a hospital.

signs of multiple sclerosis, ms multiple sclerosis, people living with multiple sclerosis, optic neuritis, multiple sclerosis, living with multiple sclerosis, how to live with multiple sclerosis, living with ms

And that, my friends, is the end of this story. I’m doing well today (knock on wood) and have had only one relapse.  Stay tuned for that story and more fun stuff about how I’ve been dealing and why it’s important to have a positive attitude no matter what hand you’re dealt. Subscribe to i’m too fancy via email to get updates posts in your inbox. Just do it.

Your turn. How does this make you feel? Do you have MS? Know someone who does? Just generally pissed at autoimmune diseases and want to rant? Leave a comment below.

Let’s Get Creative & Write Books

When people ask me what I’m doing this summer, I tell them I’m being creative. That’s right. I’m spending my summer surrounding myself with inspiration and creativity so that I can flourish as a writer. In addition to a fiction writing class with Gotham Writers Workshop, I’m also rediscovering just how much I love inspirational jpegs. It’s weird how a few words on a nicely designed canvas can make me feel ready to write that novel short story of mine.

I apologize for all of the pictures being a different size. It’s a long weekend and I’m lazy.

Creativity Quotes and Pictures

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Creativity Quote Cecil. B Demil

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creativity quotes

Creative Minds Quote

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Creativity-quotes14 What’s your favorite quote?

A Gluten Free Fourth of July

Gluten Free recipes, recipes without gluten, gluten free desserts

Happy Birthday, USA! I love you and your whorish ways and I’m going to celebrate the shit out of your birthday.

And by that I mean I’m going to avoid any food that contains gluten or dairy and will tell anyone who will listen about my fabulous gluten free lifestyle. Just kidding. I’m probably going to have a cheat day and eat so much bread that I’ll be forced to tell anyone who will listen about how guilty I feel about cheating on my fabulous gluten free lifestyle.

And for those of you who are better than I, here are 19 fab gluten free recipes for the fourth of July. Enjoy!

10 Fourth of July Gluten Free Recipes by Elana’s Pantry
4th of July Sugar Cookie by Play 2 Learn with Sarah 
Red, White, & Blue Quinoa Pudding by Dr. Andrea R. Hoglen
Flo’s Gluten Free Sour Cream Berry Pie by Gluten Free Canteen
4th of July Festive Gluten Free Chocolate Cupcake Bites by Gluten Free Canteen
Vegan & Gluten Free 4th of July Cheesecake by Free People Blog
Gluten-Free 4th of July Popsicles by Tasterie
10 Gluten Free Hamberger Bun Options by About.com
Gluten Free BBQ Sauce by Everyone Needs Dinner Ideas
Gluten Free Grilled Corn on the Cob with Honey Cilantro Lime Butter by Living Without

What’s your favorite gluten free recipe?

3 Hump Day Stories

I hate the term “hump day” but it is what it is, right?  I won’t dwell too long on that though because there are stories to share. Exciting stories. Kinda. Not really. Okay, they’re exciting for ME and I hope for you, too, K?

Hump Day Camel at Work

1) MapCrunch is a site that allows you to select a country and you’ll see a random google street view. Since yesterday, I’ve traveled to Austria, Germany and Latvia. I am a world traveler, bitches! I also read you can play a fun game where you go to a random country and try to find your way to an airport. I haven’t played yet because I ain’t got no time for that.

2) A teacher in Dallas, Texas (fake been there, too!) wore the same outfit in his yearbook for forty years. Forty years! This is insane to me since one of my biggest fears is wearing the same outfit to an event twice, in dire fear it will end up on Facebook. And then people will be like “oh, snap. She wore that last time.” But this guy? None of those fears. His name is Irby and he is my hero.

3) I’m a novice chef cook so I was so excited to find this site, Picture the Recipe. This site is perfect because they do as they claim and they show you every step of the recipe process. I love it. Because I’m slow. And this makes me quick! Check out the most timely post, 10 Delicious 4th of July Recipes.

Speaking of the 4th of July, do you have any fun BBQ plans? If so, do you cook or just eat? I just stuff my face and then offer to help clean.

 

Hormona & I

This is a repost from a previous blog. It was posted on 11/11/2010 at 1:52AM. I still dig it so here it is.

***

Some girls call their periods Aunt Flo. Others refer to it as “their friend.”  My period is neither. My period is my frenemie. I’m excited when she visits but can’t wait for her to leave. Unfortunately, when she’s not actually here yet, she’s preparing to be. This means that for two weeks out of the month, I’m obligated, bound to, handcuffed to this THING that takes over my life. Her name is Hormona and she is a bitch.

Hormona and Diana wake up.

Hormona: Remember that time when Vinny didn’t take you to the Jay Z/Eminem concert because he was “confused?”

Diana: Yeah. I kinda got over that.

Hormona: No you didn’t.

Diana: No, really. I did. Live in present. Not the past.

Hormona: You are fooling yourself. Why do you always let him get away with everything? He just thinks he could play you like that and you’ll be nice to him?

Diana: I’m a reasonable, level headed person who won’t focus on petty issues that can’t be changed. I’m a reasonable, level headed person who won’t focus on petty issues that can’t be changed. I’m a reasonable, level headed person who won’t focus on petty issues that can’t be changed. I’m a reasonable, level headed person who won’t focus on petty issues that can’t be changed.

Hormona: I think you should text him.

Diana: It’s 8am.

Hormona: Perfect. It might be his first text of the day. You’ll totally ruin his mood. His DAY if you’re lucky. Are you thrilled or are you thrilled that I came to visit?

Diana: You know, you’re right. I never stand up for myself. LETS DO THIS. What do I say?

Hormona: Okay. Write this. “Good morning. I hate your face you stupid piece of shit ass fucker. You didn’t take me to the concert and you know what? I DIDN’T WANT TO GO with your stupid piece of shit ass fucker face. I’m never talking to you again so fuck you. DIE. Hope you have a nice day. Bye”

Diana: Okay, cool.

Diana sends the message. They wait.

Diana: He responded. He said “Are you serious?” I guess that’s reasonable question. That was pretty crazy.

Hormona: Of course you’re serious. He never respects your feelings. Why do you have to get over things on his schedule?

Diana: Yeah, that’s true. He always thinks I should just get over things when he does. But he gets over things right away and I enjoy dwelling and being in a bad mood. I feel safe and comfortable there. So what do I say?

Hormona: Say “Yeah. I’m serious. You don’t love me and this proves it. You don’t appreciate me ever.”

Diana sends. They wait.

Diana: He said “This happened 8 months ago.”

They stare at each.

Hormona: So what? You have repressed emotions from the trauma of having to be his girlfriend. You’re the victim here. He doesn’t love you. And to prove that he doesn’t, you should make him say it. OMG. That’s great. Let’s test him.

Diana: Yeah! That kid hasn’t passed a test since the second grade. I know he’ll fail.

Hormona: Obviously he will. Because he doesn’t love you. Go. Send it now.

Diana sends. They wait.

To be continued…

Hormona & !

Do you also have a Hormona alter-ego? Let me know about her in the comment below!

Welcome Back, I’m Too Fancy!

Hey, there. My name is Diana and this is my blog. If you’d like to know more about me, check out the about page. There you’ll find the juiciest tidbits like who(what?) I have a love/hate relationship with and my future goals of becoming a doctor. Sorta. If you’d like to know more about the point of this blog, keep reading.

The point of this blog is…I’m not really sure yet. I love so many things that it’s hard to narrow it down but I’m certain I will be blogging about the following topics: budget shopping, healthy eating, creativity and popular culture. I’ll also be using this space to share my personal essays about being a newly wed, as well as living a life with multiple sclerosis.

See?  This blog, much like its owner, has ADD. But is that such a bad thing?

unstoppable dinosaur

Thanks for stopping by and I sure do hope you return. I’ll be anxiously stalking my Google Analytics to see if you do.

Cheers!
xo
Diana

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