The other day I was publicly Candy Crush shamed by my friend Misha on Facebook.
I’d been playing a lot that day. Truth is I developed an addiction to crushing candies. It’s serious. I couldn’t stop and I needed more lives. I was so deep in my addiction that I didn’t care who I sent alerts to.
But Misha cared. A lot. Maybe too much. He was annoyed that I was sending out invites daily (which I wasn’t because my addiction is new, thankyouverymuch) and he wasn’t afraid to show how he really felt about it.
But instead of simply emailing me about it (or that other less annoying option I’ll note later), he instead took his frustration to my profile. Assisted by a screenshot of the alert (because I wouldn’t believe him otherwise?), he told me I was being distasteful. Distasteful! It’s a good word. I’ve heard it many times to describe my behavior but never about my Facebook activity. I was crushed!
I said sorry. This is what happened next.
The only reason I said sorry was because I was embarrassed. Embarrassed about my addiction and embarrassed by being cornered on my own page. But that lasted about two minutes because then I became perturbed by the exchange. I was no longer sorry.
For one, I wasn’t a fan of his tone. Don’t be coming to my page with your chest all puffed out like a big man on campus and have a tone with me. Who do you think you are, Misha, trying to corner me into candy crush shame? This homey don’t play that. For two, I don’t like when men talk down to me. When it comes to men, the only tone I accept is gentle and sweet. Anything else and I get defensive. I get strong urges to claw your organs out of your body while you’re still breathing and throw them at you.
Then I was like, dude, learn how to use Facebook. It’s been around long enough. It’s quite distasteful that you tried to manage how I play my games instead of learning how to manage alerts & notifications on your end. It’s a google search away, bro. You know what Google is, right? It’s a search engine where you can search for information. (I teach an Internet 101 class to elders on the weekend if you’re interested to learn more.)
Okay, I’ll make it easy for you. Here is how you do it. Someone actually sent me this game alert. It almost ended my life. Almost.
Ultimately my real question is this: If you have enough time to screenshot the notification, put it on my page and then engage in witty banter such as “you sent it to everyone, including my neighbor” (hahaha. haha. ha.), my one and only question is this – why aren’t you playing candy crush? Looks like you have enough time.
I feel like if people devoted more time to playing awesome addictive games on facebook, they would be less bothered by irrelevant notifications about said additive game. If you played and saw the alert, you’d be like, YES! Someone sent me a life and extra moves and the next minute and a half of my life will be so awesome. It’s not what happens but how you react to what happens!
By the end of this post, my hope is that Misha will learn how to live peacefully on Facebook without being a nuisance to his friends. Ironic, isn’t it?
You should also know that I have sent Misha a few game invites right before I published this. Why? Because I’m spiteful. Also because no one puts baby* in a corner. NO ONE. But since we’re friends in real life and I will be seeing him soon, I am prepared to offer hugs if it really disturbed him in a serious way that requires therapy.
* I am Vinny’s baby and therefore have permission to use this line. Deal with that, too. Mmm k.
What do you think? Should people stop sending thoughtless game notifications or should people learn how to block those alerts? Let’s talk about it in the comments.