Hey there. I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while. Where was I, you ask? I was up to no good, starting trouble in my neighborhood.
I didn’t get into any fights, though. Because I’m passive aggressive. Instead, I wrote a note to my filthy, disgusting neighbors on proper trash disposal etiquette in the form of a threatening letter messily taped to the elevator door.
What had happened is this: One football Sunday not too ago, I went to throw out some garbage. Upon opening the door to the incinerator room, my nose was assaulted by the stench of an expired Edible Arrangements fruit basket. The basket was placed near the trash, as if the tenant was just too tired to follow through and complete the task. Suffice it to say, this enraged me.
Because I knew who the neighbor was, I decided I would take the fruit basket and leave it on their doorstep. I went to discuss my deviously genius plan with Vinny and I was super excited. He wasn’t. He was busy watching football but paid attention long enough to tell me I probably shouldn’t do that. I hesitantly agreed but I was still annoyed. I continued to review my options. If I couldn’t place the fruit basket on their doorstep, what could I do?
I decided to write them, and every other dirty neighbor, a kind note and tape it ever so gently upon the elevator door where everyone could see it.
I also put up a note on the incinerator door which was more to the point.
Please excuse my sloppy handwriting and wayward blue tape. I was enraged and had no nerves to make it look neat.
Anyways, that’s not the point. The point is that right after I taped the note up, I heard the displicable neighbor going to throw out garbage. My apartment is across from the incinerator so I saw her carrying bags of trash and a couple of boxes. She took her time throwing her stuff out and I imagined that she was ashamed of being disgusting and so she was putting in some extra effort. I was pleased. Because I am a creep and one of those people, I went to investigate and see if she got the point, just to appease my curiosity. And guess what. She did!
The next day Vinny and I were waiting for the elevator and I read my note again. I was feeling super pleased with myself until I saw my glaring error. I was shocked to see that I had either forgotten a word (there was clearly a space) or used “an” before a word starting with a consonant. I was slightly embarrassed but figured I just MS-brained it and forgot to add the word. Just had to edit the note and make it correct. Which I did.
There has been order in the incinerator lately. People actually throwing out their garbage instead of leaving it on the recycle bin. Even the building super thanked me and asked me to make one for every floor. This delights me greatly although yesterday I saw a giant rotting bouquet of flowers just sitting there. I know it was the same neighbors because they were celebrating a wedding and were making a mess outside, too.
Thing is that I now either have to actually buy a little camera to catch them so that I don’t feel guilty putting trash on their doorstep OR become an adult and confront them. I’m thinking I will confront them and actually start an uncomfortable war with my dirty neighbors.
Do you have dirty neighbors who don’t understand the concept of throwing out garbage? How do you deal with them?