Vinny and I were having lunch with our friend Daniel. Daniel is a bachelor and whenever we hang out, we always end up talking about relationships. Mostly because Vinny and I are perfect and we want to spread our perfect relationship vibes upon him. The problem is that he doesn’t care at all. He cares so little, in fact, that he likes to wax poetic about the advantages of hanging out with multiple people and not settling down with just one lucky lady.
Daniel: So you know how people like potato chips? You go to the supermarket and they have those variety packs and you’re like, yay! you get to try a little of everything.
I could see Vinny from the corner of my crazy eye. He was nodding.
Diana: Are you trying to say you want a variety bag?
Vinny: No, I’m just living vicariously through him.
It’s all fun and games until Vinny says something silly.
Diana: So you know how some people decide they wanted plain potato chips and one day they’re like, “wow. I’m so bored with this plain ole’ chip. I want me some vicarious flavor. I want a BBQ potato chip.” So he goes off and tries the BBQ chip but then he realizes that wow! the bbq chip is actually a plain chip but with a lot of cancer-causing colorful chemicals. It tastes good only because it’s different but after a while you figure out that all chips are the same. Then he realizes the plain chip is where his heart is at but by then it’s too late and plain chip is all like, “get the [BEEP] out of my house you no-good vicarious variety chip taster! Go to Daniel’s house, filth!”
I think Vinny learned his lesson about what will happen if he starts eating anything vicariously through anyone. Nothing good. Nothing good at all.
And Daniel? He is still sampling flavors until he finds his perfect plain chip. My one suggestion would be to stop sampling chips because they are quite unhealthy and probably crazy and have more issues than Vogue. Perhaps try some apples? There are just as many apples in the sea.
I don’t know what I mean either.
Does your husband make jokes about sampling variety packs? Do you? And most importantly, what is your favorite chip flavor? Let’s talk about this in the comments!