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YES! I’m The Third Search Result For This Amazing Keyword

This is a new warning box that was added to my WordPress toolbar. My warning is that I will use this box to write all sorts of non-warnings.


This is a disclaimer box. I disclaim that I will write non-warnings on random posts.


Are my boxes obnoxious? I wish there was a survey options so you can answer this question.



Sorry for the clickbait title. I did it because I didn’t want to give the keyword away. I wanted you to click the post and actually read it. Mostly I just wanted you to help my Google Analytics appear more popular. I’m SO not sorry.

Checking my Google Analytics is a fun yet depressing activity. When I share a post on Facebook, many people read. When I don’t, not so many people read. I suppose I am just waiting for that one viral post to take i’m too fancy to the next level: INFAMY.

But I regress. Without further ado, the keyword (phrases are considered keywords in Google) is….can cocaine cause optic neuritis.

I suppose it’s too much to ask for a cocaine user to use a question mark when asking a question but I forgive. I’m more interested that someone actually wondered if cocaine use can cause your optic nerve to malfunction. Have I cocained incorrectly, I wonder? 

Just joshing! If MS taught me anything, it’s that the body is one sneaky motherfucker. And it also taught me that nobody knows anything about MS. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. While it’s unacceptable to say “I don’t know” in a business setting, it’s totally acceptable to say this as a medical professional. Because when you say “I don’t know,” your malpractice insurance goes down. If you don’t know, you can’t be held accountable. DUH.

Anywho, those lucky searchers landed on the educational post, True Life: My Optic Nerve Ran Away. I hope they found some solace and relief that cocaine does NOT cause optic neuritis. Not a doctor but I’m sure it doesn’t make it better so put that Parliament down RIGHT NOW. 

You know what does cause optic neuritis? I don’t know. Neither does my neurologist or any other human being on the face of this earth. We know Mars has water and who killed JFK but optic neuritis – nahhhh. Let’s just blame it on a confused and stupid immune system.

You’re fired, bro.

PS: My right eye has never fully recovered from optic nueritis. A darkness looms when I close my left eye and try to see with my right. It’s cool because it doesn’t affect me in any way besides being a boring conversation starter with another MSer. WINNING.

2 Comments on YES! I’m The Third Search Result For This Amazing Keyword

  1. Jennifer
    October 16, 2015 at 3:44 pm (3 years ago)

    Thanks for your amazing humor and voice. MS sucks, yet we keep charging along.

    • imtoofancy
      October 17, 2015 at 4:45 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you for your comment, Jennifer! Yes, MS suck. In fact, MS might just stand for MAJOR SUCKAGE. But let’s keep calm and carry on…as best we can. 🙂


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